See as a Mom, I believe that you need many types of friends. TRUE Friends get it! True Friends have your back when things are tough. True Friends let you cry and hug you tight when you are done. True Friends listen and reassure that you aren't crazy. True Friends also love you enough to confront you on the issues in your life. True friends are the much needed gift to gracefully/or barely survive and thrive in this wild ride called motherhood. I am so grateful for my dear friends. They are gems. I value their comments, deeply ponder their wisdom, adore their laughs/snorts, relax and feel refreshed after time with them and feel so blessed after time, a chat or a hug from these special dear ladies. They rock, keep me sane, love me and my family, and tickle my funny bone. We all need a friend, and a variety of types has made motherhood a DELIGHT (most of the time) for me.
Here is my basic list of friend types and I am so grateful for all of them:
1. a ONE STEP AHEAD mom friend
- This for me is my Bestie Jeanna. Her son is 6 weeks older than my oldest, her 2nd is 4 months older than my twins. OK, she is a BABY WHISPERER. She taught me so much ~ Gabe your surviving is due to Jeanna. She taught me to swaddle, nurse, let him cry and gave me the "Yeah, that's totally normal. " or "Jack does that too." or "Maybe you should take him in." Seriously she was a God Send... Plus our husbands are best friends, our kids are, and I love her. She is sweet, straight forward, honest, generous, and a kick in the pants. I love this girl, value her friendship, and think she is a fan*frickin*tastic mom. Everyone needs a Jeanna ~ or your own ONE STEP AHEAD mom friend who can ease your fears and let you know that what is going on is TOTALLY normal.
2. a TWIN mom friend
- Twin moms are those mom friends who are right at the same stage with you. They are dealing with the same shenanigans that you are dealing with. They are great story-swappers and have great advice, feedback or ideas on what they are trying. My TWIN mom Bestie is Jenae. We are both at pre-school everyday, hauling along our little munchkins who are dying to be in pre-school. She gets it! We swap kiddos often, give each other breaks, help out with child care and it is nice to know that I am not alone, not doing all this in vain, they are learning and growing. Jenae is a great friend who our husbands get along great, as do our kids. We all were hanging out together before kids and then had them together, our oldests were both HORRIBLE sleepers and were able to "feel the others pain." Ahhh... my Jenae is a blessing straight from Heaven. I am so grateful and blessed to have such a sweet, godly friend like her. Find your self a TWIN mom friend and it helps the daily "craziness" seem normal!
- Really, do I know what I am doing raising these 3 little angel babies? No, but I love them so much my heart could burst and I TRY to do all I can to train them into becoming Godly, kind men who love God, love others and have wisdom. What a calling... Whew! It can sound like such an unreachable task until you talk to a lady who becomes a MENTOR mom friend. I have a few of these in my life, and while we don't "hang out" I glean out all kinds of wisdom from them EVERY single time. They remind you of BIG picture things, not the immediate view from down in the trenches ~ cause bein' Mommy 24/7 is HARD WORK! So Kristy tells me about Nicholas turning 6 and her break down because he is a BIG boy now. (Tears are pricking my eyes at having a Kindergartener next year!) Susan reminds me that time is so fleeting with our little ones and that we shape their personalities and hearts mostly by age 3 (Hannah and Samuel in the Bible) ~ I decided to pass up working next year! Sandy gently showed me how I don't NEED a girl, boys will always love their Mama and have a special bond. My Mom explained that the baby stage is precious, but just wait and imagine the fun of new stages ~ I now cherish each stage but look forward to new, fun ones. Jeanna wisely reminds me to not wish them grown-up ~ they grown up quick enough and this is just a stage. ~ I am going to look back and miss the pouty lips and snuggles, "please sleep with me Mommy?", and "One more book?" YES, MENTOR MOM FRIENDS ARE ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!
- My friend like this is Erika. She remembers my name is Karen , not Mom. We do things that I actually was into before kids. I almost forget about these things. We go to the SAM (Seattle Art Museum), the Spa, Broadway shows, have long, deep, thought-provoking conversations (due to no interuptions by children probably ~ ya know, like a finished thought/conversation.) We drink Tequila shots, sing karoeke, go to Martini bars, and have dinner at 9:00 p.m. She is non-stop fun and I always feel refreshed, recharged, yet blessed to go back to what I TRULY do adore ~ my family. KAREN is back full of zest, sass, spunk and saucy-ness ready to be hugged non-stop, have wet smooches, wipe faces and do load after freakin' load of laundry. But grateful and happy at the life I have the friends who make it so wonderful! I just signed up for a half-marathon with this WILDLY fun girl, because I used to love running and be good at it. We are having ourself a 13 mile run this Labor Day.
5. a NEWBIE mom friend
- This friend is my Maren. Ahh... this little lady is a precious gem. She was a couple years behind in her life stages than me, but it is nice to be the one giving suggestions, calming anxieties and being THRILLED for them on this adventure called motherhood. I couldn't be more happy for her and her little ones. She is a great mom, and a wonderful friend. I love having a baby around to hold, cuddle and smooch on since mine are growing like weeds, but still I am not getting up for late night feedings. (Thank you Jesus!!!!!!)
GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH SO MANY GREAT FRIENDS. I encourage you to cherish, appreciate or seek out friends in this category. Friends make life so much more fun!
Do you feel like you have a variety of friends? What categories do you feel like you have? Is one more important at this moment? What are your thoughts on friendship and motherhood?
2 comments:
Great post Karen! I loved the categories! I feel like I've built some great friendships with mentor moms and some one step ahead moms. And a couple of my close friends are about to have babies this week, so I'm excited for them and I love it when they ask me questions.
For me, one of the hardest things about living in California (especially Orange County!) is having a best friend or best friends who live locally. Of course Mare & EJS are besties and always will be, but unfortunately, they're not here as part of my day-to-day life.
I love our life here, but the culture of people (especially women) can sometimes make it hard to build friendships on a deeper level. It's difficult to "fit in" with young moms here because there is a certain trend/style that everyone tries to fit into. (Size 0-2, boobs done after the 2nd kid, bootcamp every morning at 5:15am, huge fancy SUV every January, etc). I'm not saying some of these women aren't nice, and I definitely believe most of them are AWESOME moms! It's just been difficult for me finding a dear close friend who's in the same place of life as me, that ALSO has things in common with me.
My book club girls (many of whom are in their mid-30's to early 40's) have been an awesome support in serving as mentor moms and one step ahead moms!
I'm excited for the coming months because Oliver and I will get to be doing swimming lessons, library storytime and music lessons each week with other babies his age. Hopefully I'll find some other "kindrid spirit" moms in the classes!
You're very fortunate to be surrounded by such a great support system!
You sure have a lot of friendly friends!
Post a Comment