99% of comments from WHITE people are: (with lots of head shaking)
- There's trouble.
- That's Double Trouble.
- That looks like a LOT of work.
- Glad it's you and not me.
- Holy *%@# !!!! That's a lot of kids.
- You poor thing.
- How do you survive?
- All boys...., you must be a saint.
- Oh Dear God/Lord, Who did you offend up there?
Now people from other nationalities have very different comments:
- Twins? What a blessing.
- You are so lucky.
- You are so blessed.
- Look at them. Great job.
- They are beautiful.
- God must be pleased with you.
- What a gift.
- Treasure on Earth.
- You and husband must be so happy, yes???
- Oh wow. (Smiling, pat and/or kiss all 3 boys.)
Do you see the difference? I see it. Glaringly, and I sadly think that our WHITE, AMERICAN culture has led us to this "normal" thinking. Thinking that views children as a "bother", or an awful chore. I feel that American culture is SOOOOO selfish, that having to be unselfish to care properly for children is a huge BOTHER, INCONVENIENCE and a PAIN IN THE NECK. That is why they use the words work and trouble in all comments of my children. Now kids are work (they are helpless and need guidance) but YOU chose to have them, and they are a gift from the Heaven. Kids get into trouble ~ but you can raise your children in a way that they aren't TROUBLE. I do believe that what you put into parenting, you get paid richly for and you see the fruits of your effort right away.
I am so shocked and horrified at this attitude towards children.
Do any of you see this? I am so curious. Maybe Camas/Vancouver has a very different outlook on children. I know that MOST woman around here do work, and that children really do require a lot of work and attention, but not so much that all you see and focus on, is the negative. What about the hugs, giggles, cuddles, kisses, unconditional love, romping around, playing, imaginations activated. Isn't that the stuff you think about when you think about kids?
Please respond with what you have noticed in regards to "White / American" cultural view of children vs. a different ethnic view of children. Or really anything you want to say is fine....
First off, I can't believe that people are really making those comments to you! How rude! Ugh!
ReplyDeleteI'd definitely say that I agree about children being seen as a bother - especially in the "white American mainstream" culture vs. the Hispanic culture.
I know you commented on my blog post awhile back about taking family vacations, and I think it's relevant here too. We ENJOY doing things with our kid(s). We don't dread it. Yes, it takes more planning and can sometimes be more work or frustrating, but we signed up for that and the reward is HUGE. I see a lot of parents/families compartamentlizing (sp?) their relationship with their children. You know, one hour of quality time after school and then they're off to the babysitter so mom and dad can have dinner out. While that's great once in awhile, I don't think it's a good idea to exclude your kids from your everyday life "fun" things. Then you WILL start viewing them like they're work/chore/bother.
It's also very American to wash your hands of your kids once they turn 18. I think that's very rare in other cultures, and parents don't stop parenting (or even living with their children) at a certain age. It's kind of sad when I hear parents say they can't wait for their kid to be 18 and out of the house! :-(
On the flip side of the coin, being that we desire to be a small family of three right now, I never get criticized by the white American folks, but it is ALWAYS the ethnic ones (especially Hispanics and Egyptians!) that get on my case about having more kids! So, there's always someone complaining about something, right?! :-)
p.s. can you still read my blog Karen? I went private but sent you an invite! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are right, there is always someone complaining. I never thought about the 18 and your out issue either, but so true. Thank heavens for happy marriages, kiddos and families.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic Karen! We have 4 kiddos and we are ALWAYS getting the "oh, my goodness, your hands sure are full, and 3 daughters-Oh, no" comments-similar to yours. I can't comment on the race issue since we live in a very small town where almost everyone is white. But I do notice a difference from the 20/30/40 yr old groups to the 70/80/90 yr old group comments. The younger group has negative things to say, while the older group always has nice things. (Could be the older group had a large # of kids also) Katy Gilliam (Murray)
ReplyDeleteKaty ~
ReplyDeleteYou know I do agree that the older group is more kind in the majority of their comments. Laughing while saying the infamous " you sure have your hands full." where yes, you are right isn't quite as negative. How sad that our present culture isn't loving the idea of children. CONGRATS on your 4 little munchkins.